I love Life =)

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Recapturing moments? Haha

Hi blog, :)

Haha it certainly has been long ago since i last saw you. Who knew that you would still exist HAHA. I really didnt know that the last time i saw you was so long ago. I think i tried to get back to you but i couldnt login as i forgot the password hahaha. N i never did figure out how to change the password. Trust me, it's not easy! The link to change the password is sent to another email where i  forgot the password too HAHA. Seriously quite funny. Lol.

Anyway, it has been 2 and a half years since my last post and wow things sure have changed. That means im already in my 3rd year and that ill be graduating soon :/ Thats so sad. Reading back some of what ive said in the past really makes me cringe you know. I sounded so naive then. Still am, i guess. But thats just me, so yah. Where do i even begin? I was came to find you after i needed somewhere to say something that wasnt in my head haha. But sure, ill start somewhere. :)

Year 1 Sem 1
Wow. That was so long ago. I thought that by shipping over my items, i could bring most of my stuff. Well, guess what? I forgot about shifting! And that is something that i really really hate. Packing, shifting, packing, shifting. Blehh. No, dont like it. But apparently its something that im doing very regularly now lol, ironically. Thanks to smartass me. Anyway, im really glad for the MSL :) Really made me feel like im at home, guided us everywhere and took my mind off the absence of home. Hall, on the other hand was frankly blehh. I hated almost the entire beginning of the year. I mean, i wouldnt tell that to people but it was really just a terrible phase for me. The orientation itself has already put me off. For some reason, maybe from my expectations and just lack of enthuthiasm? I guess im not that young anymore, but hey, who says you have to act young to be young? Im young at heart but i prefer to keep my thoughts to myself before i know you. N these bunch of new people are just so . . . I duno. Bloody fake. I didnt like it at all. I didnt know if it was my problem or if was just culture shock. So similar yet so different. I expected so much from the hall life i guess, but oh well, i didnt expect that. N that was a whole chunk of it heh. But really, this is perhaps one of the times where im speaking freely cuz i duwana hurt or insult some of them whom i manage to find! Im so happy for that :) so i guess in every society theres good and bad, and basically a variety of ppl. I guess we arent that different too. But from where i came from people are more genuine so blehhhhhh. Duncare hehhh. Haha anyway, that was all bout the culture. So as u can probably guess, my first sem was TERRIBLE. What more that i sprained my knee! Like seriously, what luck? It was only week 1 and i sprained my knee! Lol. It was so funny that i laughed. What luck to sprain my knee on a friday night, with no close friends around in a foreign country? And with the campus abundant with stairs! Awesomee, what an experience. Never want to go through it ever again. I now knows how it feels like to not be able to walk properly you know. Like when people sprain their ankle or something, though its really quite common, im telling u its not easy for each of them. Like do u know how hard it is to even move around to go toilet? Dont underestimate it man. So when im telling u i sprained my knee, dont tell me sprain only ma. Shyt u im telling u. Why dont u try it? Everyone has difference tolerance level and if im not judging u why should u be judging me? Heh. Besides, u hav no idea what everyone is going through apart from that, so technically u have no rights. And anyway, i think that was the first time that i had a panic attack. I woke up feeling like i want to vomit. Like everything was going so fast and that was such a new environment which i kinda hated, n my family n friends werent there, n i couldnt really move much. That feeling was really.. i dont know. I guess i was just lucky to never hav felt that before :) n im so thankful for that becuz that feeling sucks. U feel like everything is going wrong and u dont know what to do, n you cant catch up with things around you, but at the same time you cant just pack up and leave! N people that are judgemental will just say, but its so near, u can go back anytime you want! Please, i wont do it even if i can. Whats the point of going over if u are just gona run back whenever u face a problem? I knew i was in trouble, but i knew that it will get better soon. It always does. So slowly, somehow as time passed, i. Hmm. U know, i actually wanted to join many things before i went in. But with the sucky environment and physical limitation at that point of time, i cant help but to just feel miserable. N i guess it reflected on how i am. N so i didnt get most of the things that i was eager to join. Think it was best for me though. Cant imagine dragging my knee everywhere lol. And then what? Oh yah. RHMP. Seriously, i really think its a great thing to participate in. I auditioned for cast for fun but on the final stage i had this lol allergic reaction that i wasnt feeling good at all n it was just funny. So i didnt get any cast role, which i thank gawd for cuz the amount of work is crazy! What more with my knee! Like i said, knee sprain dont heal overnight, you know. Its like 3 months? N guess what, 1 sem is also about 3 months! Aint that great? What a way to experience my 1st sem. So anyway, i was put in choir, but the hmm organization was really quite messy. I guess the commitment was too high for too many people and the appreciation for this activity wasnt inculcated, so many people felt like it was a chore instead of pleasure. Which is real sad. N then, know what? I was asked with another girl to be calefe. So technically we werent in choir anymore becuz we cant join them. N we hav learnt all the songs n moves. In the end we only had to perform 1 song, a very short song in the entire thing. But for that we were yelled at, rolled eyees at and who knows what else. Like wts. If u want us say us, dont say cast. We belong to choir u know. When thrs cast warm ups, we r in choir, n when theres cast outfit testing we r suddenly in cast? N that its our fault that we did not give you our dimensions or whatnots?  N then theres also the bumpin times. Like, communication is reallly important. N everything was a mess, n i guess we were collateral damage. Was feeling very bitter bout this, sorry cant help it. But m feeling much better bout it now. Im neutral now, just saying facts now hee. Hee and then what? Oh yah. I guess things got better from here. Started to know more people that i get to meet genuine people. Im so happy :)) who knew they exist in that society haha. Im so gona get it if they read bout ths but well, its my honest opinion and you are welcome to cone debate with me if u r unhappy bout it. Heh. N wow that was a super quick but quite long summary of what happened in sem1 haha. N as u can tell already, i guess my priority wasnt into studies. I mean, i know i should be studying but after everything that had happened, i can't help but to pon classes you know? With the knee n miserable feeling, waking up early to walk 300m of uneven roads n 3 storey of steps is not very inviting. In fact its not even inviting when I'm all good lol. So naturally, i skipped quite many classes in my first sem. Its amazing how i made it to labs n stuff. Quite impressive i may say haha. N i thought i was gonna start doing tutorials after the 1st sem but i was just wrong. Lol. Never managed to actually do at least 2 tutorials for all my subjects, n i really duno y. N frankly, somehow my grades are still acceptable. N i can't stand that cuz i know that i don't know many things. How can i still get such grades, and what more at a Supposingly high ranking university? What has the world become to? Oh wells. If everybody is getting similar grades as me, i guess know as much or as little, as me lol. But at the same time, i dont think thats the case. Oh well. Im glad that my grades arent that bad, but i certainly hope to get it better. But it usually doesnt work that way lolol. So yah, i actually spent most of my time with other Malaysians at their hostel far far away, but i tried not to cuz i didnt wana run away from the problem. Though most of the time i yearn to go n join them. Which is ironic becuz in sem 3 i loved hall so much that when i shifted b over to that hostel i was yearning to go back to hall. Crazy me, lol. N ohh im still in sem 1. Haha anyway, conclusion is that i had a terrible terrible terrible beginning, but it turned out fine in the end. In fact, it got better. N im so glad for it :)

Im gona sleep now cuz im sleepy lol. Will continue if i feel like it haha. Quite funny cuz i actually came to blog cuz i wanted to write mg thoughts on my present state, which is quite lost as well. But looking back at my past posts just made me smile. N believe it or not blog, writing to u actually makes me happy n stress free. A form of escapism, but i guess i just don't mind. Writing bout my sem1 just made me remember what ive gone through n i suddenly feel what I'm feeling now is not that bad after sll. In fact its great haha, y m i complaining n contemplating bout my life again? Haha. Oh wells.

Till next time. See ya soon blog :)


Monday, June 25, 2012

The Next Step

Hey all,
To be honest, i don't really know what lies ahead of me.
I've waited for more than a year for this, and seriously, i could not imagine myself going anywhere else.. though i thought very differently then. Haha, how time has changed me.

Anyway, i could not say that i'm glad that I've learnt many new things-things that i wouldn't otherwise have learnt during that one year, because i recently realized that i actually chose this path instead of letting the result of an elimination process lead me to it. So, in a way, i would not have traded that entire year for some other options that i was not ready to go to. There's still one last shot and i did not think twice on letting it go-which has thankfully brought me somewhere, though i don't know how far this somewhere is. Haha.

It is, however, irony that after an entire year, I'm still heading to the same place that I thought I would be going to then, albeit to a different university. I guess what 'yours is yours', and vice versa.

I think this is the best route now, though i could not be certain if there were other options. lol. Never-satisfied-creatures. So sad. Anyway, there's a whole lot of sub things and really, i wouldn't know exactly what and how they are until i meet/face them. So, i could only choose what i think is best, and hopefully, it turns out alright. Though, even if it doesn't, i'll make sure it does.

Alright, i guess that's all. I'll probably blog more since i'm gonna be away from home soon.
And that's only the beginning. Cheers!


Saturday, March 10, 2012

Ain't life great?

lol, seriously. as usual-apparently my latest posts have been about the frequency of my blogging over the years. HAHAHA.

this is so random. But seriously, its like wow. 2012.
I seriously wonder what would happen if the world ends-like the movie.
That would be sooooo cool. lol. and not cool at all.
Yeah, i get it. lol.
you know, something changed.
well, i think many things have changed.

Life is getting so different, yet it's as if it has always been like that.
Sometimes i wonder if our mentality-or our mindset formed from our upbringing generally-in our family, society and of course, nation has restrict us to see what only people similar to us can see. It's like.
It's not good you know. In the end, it will be like katak di bawah tempurung.
I mean treasuring your culture and all is important, but one has got to find a balance between the old and the new.

And i know this whole post is so random because it is. I'm just typing whatever i feel like typing.
I cant plan out what to type before typing it because i seriously would just not blog about it. lol

Alright now,
Let's see where my life's taking me.

Last thing: Everything happens for a reason.
A door always open when another closes.
Believe in yourself and love yourself.
Without you, you won't exist. :)


and have i told you lately that i love you ppl? :D

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Seriously, lol.

Hey Blog,
It's been a LONG while man. Few more months to 2 years since i actually posted something until i actually forgot your url n password. LOL.

Wow, it's like.
i felt like i've grown lots. Probably not physically-well maybe physically too (though its sideways ZZ) and mentally, spiritually, and dunno what else la. lol.
It was as if these 2 years was a roller coaster ride. I guess.
N frankly speaking,
i reached places that i never thought i would ever reach, EVER man.

It was so.. I don't know man. I mean different. I guessed i just scratched the tip of 'life's experience'. LOL.
So different. So naive i was. lol. n now i actually see what things really are.
There has also been so many different perspective that i actually got lost. lol. i think i'm still lost. So, i'm still searching.
I guess i can confess that i never once thought that i will actually experience/feel/think all those that have occured to me in the last 2 years.
Comfort zone i was in. yeah. LOL.

So yeah, conclusion:
Grown? Yes.
Matured? Yes.
Laughed? Yes.
Cried? .. Yeah.
Disappointed? Yes.
Hoped? Yes.
Surrendered? I think almost.
Pondered? Definitely.
Think? Woah, yeah.
Wondered? Yes.
Learnt? Yes.
Experienced? Yes.
Mourned? Yes.
Scored? Yes.
Dreamed? Yes.
Soared? i guess.
Fell? Yeah.
Stood back up? I think so.
Anticipated? Yes.
Felt rejected? well, actually literally rejected. LOL. Yeah.
Emo-ed? Plenty.
Angered? Sure.
Regretted? Hell, No.

So i have literally err, well. Have been pushed left, right, front and center. SO WHAT. lol.
I can choose to continue feeling that.
I can choose to stand tall once again. Life's lesson.
Either way, it's gonna be tough.
A few realisations have hit me real hard.
Sad i was, sad i am, and sad i will be.
But that's not gonna stop me from achieving the things that i believe in, whatever it is.

Though i'm at least 90% unsure of my current view, path and beliefs, i have already decided to take it all in. I have, i guess learnt to live, laugh out loud and cry.
Though i have no idea where my path is leading me, i am glad that i've chosen this path; because only through this winding path, i would have learnt all that i have experienced today.

So, i shall end my post with my favourite poem (who knew literature could be so helpful):

The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Me. :)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Hi people =)

it has been such a loooooonnnnng time since i logged in. XD Too lazy. Heh. Anyway, exams just ended. Its not even a week and i was already feeling so.. i duno.. weird, and reali .. weird. LOL.
Crazy? Maybe. Heh.
Anyway, i tink i found out the cause.
N i DUN blieve it!
Seriously, i'm feeling super fine now. Hopefully it last =).
Maybe it was the post exam blues.. n uncertainties.. n maybe another reason which i duntink i'll ever admit it out here. HEHE. =)
So, HAHA! i have my mood back! N i'm loving it XD. Life feels so much better now eventhough i have nothing much to do, now.
Tinking of taking part time classes.. but i duwana go alone..lol
Then, i have to tink, n tink, n think.
Its so funny..
n i hav to tink if i wana be who i tink i shud be,
or actually..
which i'm reali..
i duno wat to say ady.
Nothing adyla.
Except that
i'm reali happy NOW. =)

gdnite people!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

17th =)

Hello. Do u have any idea how lazy i am to log in this website? LOL
i'm wishing Tan

Happy Birthday
i seriously do not know what else to write.
hav fun!
i'm logging out

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Hey, YOU! I'm a Malaysian.

Hey, YOU! I'm a Malaysian.

In many episodes in my supposingly 17 years of life, I have encountered many people who scoffs, laughs, and give that smile when being asked this very simple question- "Do you love your country?". I find it amazing that 10 out of 10 persons give the same reaction towards that question. Now, i am not surprise if you are one of them. This particular attitude has become the norm of our society these days. Once, when I did raise my hand when asked "Who here loves Malaysia?", not only were there people asking me,"You DO?!", majority of them were staring at me in awe. Surprised by the reaction? I guess not. You would most probably be more shock by my confession towards our country. Oh well.

The issue here is, why are Malaysians not loving their own country? Some even asked me why do i love Malaysia. Truth to be told, i do not know why. When I give them that answer, they stare at me and finally give me that "Aiyoyo..you don't even know why and you say you love Malaysia-kah?" look. [Laughs]. After receiving such looks for several times, I somehow began to wonder why I love my family. Is it their love that made me love them? The way they treat me? The things that they provide me with? The "without them I will not be here" reason? Then what about my brother? He was not the reason I am here today, and yet I love him. So what IS the connection? Even after months, and years, I could not figure it out. In Moral Education especially, when they ask the necessity for treating our parents well in their golden years. I suppose that it is the most natural thing to do. But, why?

After thinking about that on-and-off for several years, I accidentally connected it to my love for the country. Ironically, they were the same; I do not know why I love them. As a result, I assumed that there is no need for reasons. Afterall, I love them and that is all that matters. It does not really matter why I love them. So, back to Malaysia. Eventhough I do not really know why I love my country, there are a few things that I found out lately that I love watching and experiencing.

You would have probably heard this hundreds of time over and over again, but yes, I enjoy this feeling very much. Just thinking of the varieties of food, clothes, languages, cultures and beliefs that we have makes me smile. Before I start, I am not comparing to other countries, just being contented. As a person who is quite picky on food, I might only eat certain types of food. However, my favourite consists of meals made by various types of people. Then, there are also the choices of clothes. I find traditional clothes very interesting and unique eventhough people hardly wears them nowadays. Even those from East Malaysia are very interesting. Besides this, the various superstitions are interesting to hear about. Being in a country where so many different people who originated from various parts of the world, there would certainly be superstitions that we would have never heard about if we do not cross paths. Hence, this awes me. Also, not to forget, the different type of languages that you can hear daily-WOW. Do you not agree? [Smiles]

Oh, before I forget, I LOVE the feeling of "togetherness", when people actually do not judge others and yet are able to have fun, regardless of who they are. Call me naive, but that will not change what I love. [Smiles] And yes, eventhough we are each unique in our own ways, the assimilation process that have been going on for decades have made us even more unique as one. So you see, what is there not to love about the country? Mind you, I am referring to the country. Next, with people NOT loving their country, is it possible for the country to prosper? Still, that is a different issue. The question is, how can YOU stay in a place that you dislike? Imagine being accepted to a family or school that you do not like. What is the point? Hmm, perhaps I am more "passionate" about all these as i do not think I will be happy living in a place that I dislike. Oh well, it is your choice. There is one thing that I have to say though. After many years of smiling when being posed by that question just to avoid weird smiles and questions, I have finally realize that there is nothing wrong with loving my beloved country (no matter what most of you may think). So, I AM a Malaysian, and it will stay that way until the day i die. (then it will be WAS) [Laughs]

Lastly, there is a phrase that i HAVE to add to my confession:

I love you, Malaysia. [Smiles]
I do not necessarily love the people in it. Thank you people. =)